I have been in just two relationships my entire life the first which I dated for 2years and the second am still dating in 6years.
I discovered in 2009 that I was HIV+ I didn’t say anything to my partner because I was sure he had it too I just wanted him to find out for himself and we’ve been sexually active since I tested positive.
This year he went for a test and he was HIV negative in a reputable hospital that I couldn’t doubt the results. I was surprised, I went for my test again same HIV+, i am just shocked and confused I have never been promiscuous ever.
I’ve never cheated on him I don’t even understand how am HIV+ at all. Only my best friend is aware of my situation, and recently my ex of 2years tested HIV- too. I have never slept with anybody apart from these two guys. My best friend says it’s spiritual.
I don’t know what to do, right now, I am avoiding sex with my partner because now I know he’s negative I don’t want him to contact it from me, I told him let’s be celibate(NO SEX) until we get married next year. He loves me so much and trusts me too, he even didn’t ask me to go for a test after he was tested HIV- he just told me "as long as am negative you are negative, no need to get a test"
This is my situation
1) I can’t marry Him (I can’t deliberately do that to him)
2) I can’t bring myself to tell him (am afraid of rejection! It would crush me if he ever left me because of that)
3) If I break up with him he would want to know why and will NEVER let me go until I give him a concrete reason WHY! (I tried doing that when he just tested HIV-, he just laughed and said I was joking).
I don’t know what to do, please HELP!