"HELP! I Have A Fiance But I Am In Love With A Colleague At Work"

Dear Naij,

I am here to share with you what am going through, and I would like you to advice me on what to do.

My name is Ruth, I am 26, I hail from Benin in Edo state. I work in one of the Banks in Benin. I am dating a man, and we would be getting married soon.

My problem now is that I am in love with my colleague. First of all, I love my fiance so much. He lives and works in Lagos. He loves me very much and we are praying for God's favor to give him a better job so we can get married.

But my colleague in the office is crazy about me, He's unhappy when am not happy. I told him I am in a serious relationship and that I cant go out with him. All day he will be sad and sometimes even fall sick. He is never comfortable when am not happy. He will do everything to make me happy. Sometimes when I am in trouble, he's always there for me. He always makes sure I get home from work safely. He makes sure I eat before going to bed.

I am beginning to develop some feelings towards him. If he's not happy, it affects me. Anytime he's with another girl, I am always jealous and yet I still love my fiance so much. I am scared of falling in love with him because I don't want to lose my fiance. Yet I am starting to like this colleague of mine a lot.

Please and please what do I do? i need your advice and I need it urgently. Thanks for your care.

-Ruth

Dear Ruth,

Let's get real for a second. What you are feeling for your colleague is common, especially due to the fact that you are in a long distance relationship. When you are working with someone who starts showing some affection, it is pretty normal for you to develop feelings for them. But you should know that being in a relationship means realizing that, Yes, you will sometimes be attracted to other people, but you will ALWAYS choose your man every single time. Love is not a smooth road and there will always be distractions and rough corners, a strong couple knows how to maneuver through the rough patches and come out strong. So, stay strong and stand by your fiance. If he is the one you love, and he is the one you see as the father of your children someday, then he is worth the effort.

Now, it seems obvious that your feelings for your colleague is developing because he is paying you much more attention than you fiance is. You need to talk to your fiance about it. Do you feel neglected? Do you wish he will call you more often? Is long-distance taking a toll on your relationship? These are things you need to talk to him about. There are ways to make long-distance relationship easier on the both of you. Get advice from people that have been there.

Remember that there is also a possibility that this colleague of yours is after you just for the sex. Make sure you don't ruin a relationship with a good man, for a one night tryst with a player. A lot of women have fallen victim of this, be smart so you do not be one of them.

Finally, seek the intervention of God in your situation. Marriage is no child's play. Talk to your cleric and pray on the issue. I believe He will send you signs regarding what your future would be like.

Good Luck.

 

'Ask Naij'  is a column dedicated to answering all your relationship, sex, health and life questions that you are unable to talk to close friends/family about. If you have any questions or stories you have to share, send an email to info@naij.com and we will sort it out as for you as soon as we can.

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