I’ve known Debbi for four years (we work together), but she was married and I was, too. Two years ago we began talking on the phone frequently and flirting. The flirting became more serious and led to a romantic relationship. During this time, she was still married and I had been separated from my wife for a couple of years. In hindsight, it might not have been the moral thing to do, but everything seemed right at the time.
At this time, Debbi lived in a different city. When we talked, she explained that she wasn’t happy in her marriage and was looking to get out of it. Time passed and she did get out of her marriage and moved closer to where I live. Her Interest Level in me was in the 90s, and I was trying to control myself and keep mine down in the 70s.
When Debbi first moved, things were great. There was affection, intimacy and everything was incoming. Then, all of a sudden, Debbi started distancing herself and said she was going through emotional turmoil because she moved, started a new job and left her husband. She said she didn’t have proper closure. I tried the best that I could, but we broke up, as I didn’t want to play second fiddle in Debbi’s life.
The breakup was messy. We both got involved with other people for a very short time. Debbi eventually explained that her biggest mistake was that her separation and move were too much for her to handle and that she wasn’t thinking straight. She wanted to start again, with a clean slate on both our sides.
So now we’re back together, but Debbi’s past is creeping back into her life and affecting how we interact. She has become inconsistent and not as attentive. She says she’s dealing with feelings of regret over her failed marriage, but doesn’t want to be with her ex.
My question is this: how do I know where this girl’s heart is? Is it legitimate that she is going through emotional distress because of her split with her ex-husband and moving cities and I should cut her some slack? Or is her confusion just low Interest Level? Should I take her inconsistency as a warning sign and run? I’m at a loss for what to do. I like Debbi, but at the same time I don’t want to get deeply into something that I know will probably fail. Do I have a chance here? How do I drive Debbi’s interest up and keep it up?
What do you guys think?