Falling in love, for many people, is as easy as breathing. STAYING in love, however, is something else…and much harder to do.
In the beginning, you can’t imagine being without him or her, and from the moment you fall in love or say “I Do,” you hope that blissful feeling of being in love never ends. But after time, children, and life in general, you may wake up one day to find that you are no longer in love with your partner…and you wonder where the love went. That’s not to say that you don’t love each other anymore, but the “in love” feeling has faded to the background.
If you cherish your relationship and value your partner, here are some things you can try to do to ignite that spark and get that good feeling back.
Write Love Letters
In the day and age of texting, social media and Skype, there is hardly a reason to ever write someone an actual letter. Who takes pen to paper when you can express your love in 140 characters or less? But actually sitting down and writing out your feelings takes real time and effort, and your partner knows that. Part of the reason why some couples fall out of love is because of pure laziness. It takes work to maintain a relationship, and people nowadays would rather send a one line text or IM than even sending an email. People would rather tweet than talk.
Writing a letter gives you the opportunity to really elaborate on how you feel, using full words and sentences to tell your man why you love him. And even if you don’t have time to write an essay, a few simple lines written by your own hand make a world of difference. So be creative – it doesn’t have to be heavy. Your letter can be funny, Hot or lovable. Love letters can remedy your relationship blues simply because they carry your heartfelt words.
Have Date Nights
Most people fall out of love with their significant others because they stopped spending quality time together or having fun. Remember those candlelit dinners you used to have or those romantic strolls on the beach that warmed your heart? Pick a night or two during the week to make time to do the things that made you fall in love in the first place.
If you have children together, it’ll give you a chance to get away from them for a bit to focus on each other. Or it’ll give you a chance to get re-acquainted. Most people think they know their partners inside and out, but you’d be surprised how out of touch you can become once you’ve settled into a stale relationship. You learned all you know about your partner over the course of several dates in order to become a couple in the first place – date nights can keep the curiosity, passion and interest alive. Date each other like you’re getting to know each other all over again…and you may just fall in love…all over again.
Take a Vacation
If Date Nights aren’t enough to get you both reconnected, you may need to take some extended one on one time. In today’s rough economic climate, a week-long trip to the Caribbean may not be feasible, but a romantic getaway doesn’t have to cost a fortune or use up all of your vacation days. Gas up and take a drive some place close, like a weekend trip to the beach or a nice little hotel. Or, if time and finances allow, go back to a favorite place you both loved when you first started dating to ignite the flames, or explore a totally new destination you both have dreamt of visiting. Romantic getaways are vital to staying connected and deepening intimacy. A long weekend dedicated to just the both of you could be just the thing you need to refresh your relationship.
Find Hobby to do Together
It could be anything – yoga, running, dancing, playing cards, a particular game…anything, so long as you do it together. Identify something that you’re both passionate about that you can share. Boredom could play a big part in your (lack of) attraction to your partner, so keep things interesting by doing things that challenge you and make you both more exciting.
Seek Couples Counseling
If none of the above seems to work, there could be a much deeper issue as to why you have fallen out of love with your partner. If the love has gone because of a past hurt or indiscretion, then a therapist may be able to help you sort through your feelings. In a long-term relationship or marriage, there is bound to be arguing, bickering, yelling – you name it – which can cause an endless cycle of pain, bitterness and blame. Love cannot thrive in those conditions, so seeking the help of a clergy member or a professional can help identify issues before they spiral out of control to the point of no return.
Change your Mindset
A lot of couples have an unrealistic view of how love really works. We all love the all-encompassing, blissful feeling of being “in love” but don’t realize how much work it takes to stay there. So once the euphoria has subsided, we’re left looking at our partner through a different lens, seeing faults and character flaws that we once thought were adorable, but now annoy us. Realize that no one is perfect, even you. What you look for is usually what you find, so try to look for the good in your partner, not the bad. Try to remember all the reasons you fell in love with him/her, and focus less on the things he/she does that bother you. Remember, you have habits that grate their nerves too, and there may be things they need that they’re not getting from you as well. Communicate to them your feelings and allow them to do the same. You may find that a simple, honest conversation is all you need to get that good loving feeling back.