My name is J. Yes, I love fashion and all, but I'm a guy, a different guy and now I'm getting really worried. Over the years, I've been teased about been feminine, and I've never liked it.
I hung out with the girls more because I liked what they liked, and even worse I have a very tiny voice...even till now, that I'm 26 years old.
On few occasions, I've tried to date girls, its just didn't work. They always tend to like me at first, but later think I'm too feminine, and then somehow loose interest. But thats not the worse.
My biggest problem is that I'm not even sexually attracted to girls, at all. I've tried sex with a couple of girls, but I get irritated at some point while making out, and my erection goes out the window.
Thing is, I like to hang out with guys, but most of them think I'm too feminine, and tease me embarrassingly so from experience, I've learnt to hang out with female friends or stay indoors and read mags or watch TV.I don't like typical male stuff too.
This year, I'd be going to serve, but not until June. So for now I'm indoors more often, while I help out my parents with their bottle water business. So for the next few months, I'm hoping to get answers and solutions to my problem, even though I don't know how.
Truth is I think I'm gay, or at least have tendencies, but I've never had sexual relations with any guy o...neither do I fantasize about men sexually. If anything, I want to live a normal life. I want to date, have a girl friend, get married and have kids, but my sojourn with the opposite sex and sex itself is nothing to write home about.
At 26, the worst I've done is masturbate and watch porn...yes, I'm still a virgin hard as may be to believe.
My parents are worried too, about my sexuality, and my dad had tried to no avail to get me interested in soccer and things, but its not just for me. I guess our Christian background helps a bit too, because it helps me to understand that I cannot be gay.
I love my parents very much, but how do I tell them the depths of all my fears and what I'm experiencing? How do I open up to any one I know that I need help because I think I'm gay, without being castigated, judged, or looked down upon? Who do I even talk to? A doctor, a psychologist ?? Are there even sex psychologists in Nigeria??? I'm really lost people, and I need help.
Please don't judge me, I don't want to be gay. My being feminine I didn't choose. I just need advice on how to live a normal life as a guy, and maybe counselling will help. I don't even know again self.
Good thing is here, even if I'm insulted, no one knows who I am in real life.. but please, I would appreciate If you understand that I'm a victim, and didn't choose to be this way.
If you know anyone who can help me, please leave it in the comment section, I'm ready to pursue help from neutral persons who are knowledgeable or experts so long as my parents don't know about it. By the way, I am an only child.