I’m 29 and married with a young son. Last year I got chatting to a 39-year-old man on Facebook. We flirted but we also spoke about our past and our relationship problems.
Sparks flew instantly when we met up. I went to his flat at our second meeting and we were all over each other the minute the front door closed. The sex was so much better than any I’ve had with my husband for years.
Our affair has been going on for six months now. I’ve told my husband about my lover and that I want a divorce. He isn’t happy but I still see my lover regularly. My problem is I can’t really trust him.
He’s been a swinger in the past and slept with lots of women. His Facebook page was full of them but he said he’d closed it down to concentrate on us.
He contacted an ex just before we met and they planned a life together. He said she knows about me now and has moved on, but they email. I don’t mind that but he’s very secretive about it. He never tells me about their emails but I see her name pop up.
When I ask him about her, he says I’m paranoid. He claims he doesn’t tell me because he knows how I’d react.
I borrowed his laptop last month to look at holidays, checked the history and saw he’d been on another casual sex site. He was irritated I’d looked at his history and said it was just a game and he’d close it down, but I don’t know if he has.
He says all he wants is me and a family life together but I don’t know whether to put my doubts aside and go forward with this relationship. I’m worried about introducing him to my son if he’s a player who will hurt us both.
Listen to your doubts. The signs are this man’s still a player. He’s not honest with you about what he’s doing, he’s being secretive and blaming you for it. Even if your marriage is on the rocks, it’s a bad idea to jump straight into another relationship, let alone one you aren’t sure about.
Tell your lover you need space while you sort your marriage out one way or another.
If you do separate, take some time to be a single woman, then any choice you make is more likely to be a good one.