Loving a Black woman can be a wonderful thing...especially when you know how to love her right. Black women love to trust in a man and have faith that he truly loves her. She values the love of a man because more than likely she watched her mother struggle with having to be the provider as well as the nurturer. She wants more than material goods, she wants a sense of comfort, intimacy and security. She wants to be loved.
This article will go through simple ways a man can learn to love and appreciate his Nubian queen, and began to fulfill her hopes and desires one step at a time.
Have a realistic view of her: Don't expect more than you will get of your woman. You have to be prepared for the best and the worst from her. There may be times when she is literally the "perfect woman" in your eyes, but I guarantee there are going to be times when she is everything that you may not have expected. You should always simplify your expectations of your woman. If you are constantly falling in and out of relationships and nothing ever seems to work because your expectations are too high, then you might need to have a serious reality check. Know that she is human just like you are. You can't expect her to always be perfect so don't always expect her to be. Find what you love about your woman and hold on to it through the good times and the bad.
Earning her trust: Many Black women don't just trust anybody that waltz into their life. They want a man who can prove that he is trustworthy, not a liar, cheater or manipulator. Know that she is silently observing you, making sure that you are who you say you are and she is focusing in on how you treat her. Without her trust she will not share her hopes, dreams, aspirations, feelings, or life with you. You have to earn these things. She is not being arrogant or trying to reject you, she just wants to make sure that her heart is secure and that it won't be stolen or broken. You can simply earn her trust by keeping your promises and not breaking them. You can also earn her trust by being honest and consistent with her. Do not get discouraged if it takes a little while to earn her trust, just know that eventually she will come around, God willing.
Do not try to change her: One of the biggest mistakes men make with women altogether is trying to turn a woman into their fantasy dream girl. You should never try to change a woman, let her be who she is. There is a saying by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) (not word for word), "a woman is created from the rib, a crooked part, if you try to straighten it out it will break, so leave it as it is." This is a very important saying, it implies that a woman is the way that she is and if you try to change her ways she will break. You can take it how you want to just know that it is true. Love who she is and never try to make her into who you want her to be. Talk with other men: If you are unsure of certain things when it comes to loving a Black woman, ask some men who have experience. I am not talking about your crazy friends who go to strip clubs or womanize their ladies. I am talking about men who really know how to love a woman. Find out different ways to romance your lady. Be open and honest and don't beat around the bush.
Stay committed: Temptation arises all day, everyday, and if you really love her you will avoid it with all your might. Try to stay away from other women and avoid breaking her heart. When you love somebody you stay committed. This brings us back to the trust issue. If you want her trust, start by keeping your eyes to yourself, your hands to yourself, and your heart to her.
Listen to her problems: Never judge your woman. If you find her in the wrong...let her know as gently as possible. Many Black women run away from criticism. If you are always criticizing her she is going to eventually shut down. Don't rush to solve her problems for her unless you have to. Know that she is an intelligent being and trust her to make the right decisions. If you have a little advice to give her, then do so, but try not to harm her ego or make her feel ashamed or bad about herself. Help her to stay confident and work through the problem on her own. Just let her know that you are there for her if and when she needs you to be.
Take the blame: When you do something wrong...just admit it. Don't try to be arrogant and lie about the situation. Come clean with yours. Trust me she will respect you better. And do not be afraid to correct the matter. This will help your woman to see that you are human and not superman. Make a mistake or two...its' ok...she might even get a good laugh out of it; plus she will still love you in the morning.
Do not compare her to others: Women hate to be compared to other women. Asking her questions like, "why don't you dress like Beyonce?" or "My ex-girlfriend was never late", is literally one of the worst things you can do to your woman. If you want her to dress a little different for you then let her know how beautiful she would look. Or if you want her to be on time, let her know how important proximity is to you. But remember never try to change your woman. Suggest slight improvements gently, not by using harsh or intimidating comparisons.
Invest in her happiness: If you notice something that makes her smile or gives her joy then invest in it. If she loves yellow roses...hook her up from time to time with one single rose or a huge bunch. Make time for her to do the things she loves, even if it doesn't involve you. Let her know that you support her decisions and that when she is happy you are happy too. Share her wonderful experiences with her and be willing to learn from her.
Be serious: Playing video games, going to the club, and not taking care of business is means for a woman to leave you. When it is time to pay the bills, please pay them on time. When it is time to take care of your responsibilities show her that you can handle it without her help. Many Black women do not want to get sucked up into the web of having to provide for a man. Black women want a man that can hold his own and support and provide for him and her. She wants someone she know will take good care of her children and someone who won't let little things side track him from doing what he has to do. You want her respect you so give her a good reason to.
When you don't know, say it: It is ok to not have the answer to every single question that will come up. If you don't know something then say "I don't know." Black women do not like "know it all" men. We want to know that you are human and that there are things we can teach you or learn about together. You should not fear not knowing something, it doesn't make you less of a man or more of a dummy; it makes you human. Be yourself: Just like your woman wouldn't want you to change her, don't change yourself. You will become miserable trying to pretend that you are something or more than you really are. Be honest with her. Let her know what you like, love, adore, hate and want to know more about. Do not be afraid to be goofy if that is who you are, or to be dorky. Just be you. She will not want a fake person in her life. The last things that Black women like are fake people.
Remind her that you love her: Telling a woman that you love her everyday, lets her know that your love isn't going anywhere and that it is continuing to grow. Trust me, she loves to hear those three words, and she loves to hear them often. If you truly love her, tell her, never hold back.
Have physical affection that does not always lead to sex: Sometimes women want more than you kissing her one-minute and then the next trying to get her in bed. She wants physical affection without having sex sometimes too. If the physical affection leads to sex then that's one thing, but if not, be content with just having her close to you in your arms. (Remember sex is for married couples anyways).
Share your morals: Believing in God, loving your mother, taking care of people in need, are many great qualities that Black women look for. We do not expect a man to be perfect, but we do expect him to have some basic moral standards in his life. A man who is always out at the club, getting high, or drunk, listening to degrading music, or unfaithfulness are all signs of immorality. She will not trust a man if he does not practice what he preaches or sticks to what he knows is right. She definitely does not want a man who cheats, lies or steals, and trust me; she is watching to make sure that you don't. Share your morals with her and expect her to do the same.
Protect her: Unfortunately, many Black women, however, not all, come from a home that was ran by a single mother, who probably worked very hard to provide for her children. She may or may not have had ever felt a real sense of security from a man. She make put on "I don't take no mess!" attitude, however, deep inside she wants to know that you are there for her and on her side. She wants to rest assure that you will not let others disrespect her or violate her in any, way, shape or form, especially in your presence. She also wants to make sure that you do not harm her either.
Never Beg: Don't beg your woman for money. Let me tell you, Black women HATE when men beg for money. Not only does she begin to lose respect for you, you also lose your dignity and self-sufficiency. Begging is a set up for disaster. If you have two hands, two feet, and are mentally capable of working at McDonald's or anywhere else you see fit, then do not ask her for money. It is ok to sometimes as her for things, but don't expect her to take care of you while you are playing Madden on the Xbox all day long. When you refuse to beg, you will gain self-respect as well as show her that you are able to take care of your own business.
Surprise her: Taking her out on a surprise dinner date, or just laying a few rose petals on the bed will definitely make her smile. Surprising your woman lets her know that you care enough to think about her even when she is not around. She will be thrilled when you do something extraordinary just for her. Take good care of your kids: In this day and age, many men have decided that they do not have to be a father, even when they decide to sleep with a woman and get her pregnant. The baby becomes the mama's problem and the daddy runs off, hoping child support services do not catch up with him. If you want to impress a Black woman, act like a father. The last thing a Black woman wants is a "baby's daddy." The thing she probably wants the most is a responsible husband, who is willing to sacrifice for his children. She wants to know that her children will be secure and taken care of even when worse comes to worse. It is sad that so many men have abandoned their role as a father, especially in the Black community. She has seen single motherhood; she may have even experienced it. Show her that you are not another statistic and take care of your business.
Don't degrade her or other Black women: A Black woman wants a man that will not only respect her, her Black sisters, but all women. Calling a woman out of her name jokingly or seriously is not cool. Show that you have respect for women and that they are not just objects.
Love her no matter what: Your Nubian queen is a beautiful creation. Love, respect, and honor her. Do not be afraid to let her know it and always show her that you love her. I hope that God willing this will help the men out there who want to love a Black woman the way that she deserves.