My name is Sophia and I have been married for the past 9 yrs, I'm blessed with 3 kids (2 boys and a girl) and I have the most amazing hubby. I'm trying to correct the notion that all marriages are wacky, which is not true.
It wouldn't be nice if some single girls out there don't get to know that marriages can work if you make it happen.
I got married 9yrs ago to my hubby, we dated for a year and got married. My friends were like it was too soon since we barely know our selves, I was staying in Abuja while him in Lagos, I just come occasionally to visit him, so after a year, we figured it was time to move to the next level which was very amazing.
We got married and I started living the life of a married woman.We loved each other so much but there were things we did not know about each other since it was long distance hence posed a problem for us. I had very bad mouth as of that time. I do like to challenge everyone including him which he didn't like. We argued a lot which ends up with several beatings.
The first time my hubby hit me, I ran to my aunt's place and later went back home, it happened again and again, but the whole thing was after the beatings, he comes back to say sorry and to tell me how the things I said to him really did hurt and how he's hot tempered and I'm hot tempered and all. After a year, I told myself I had to work on myself, I stopped talking too much, prayed more often and asked God to help me with my temper, I stopped challenging him and always make him feel more than superior to me, like magic, the whole fighting stopped.
I took in and gave birth to our twin boys the second year. I was so engrossed with taking care of the babies that I forgot to give my hubby the attention he deserved. When my babies were 5 month old, I went through my hubby's phone for the first time and I found out he was cheating on me. The girl in question was supposed to be a family friend but she started sleeping with my husband.
I went through the whole bbm chat and saw the way the girl started flirting with my hubby and how he tried to resist and how he finally fell for her tricks, I was mad, I was raged but at the same time I was determined to be calm about the whole thing. I didn't mention it to him when he came to pick up his phone cause I would have insulted him and said so many hurtful things to him, so I pretended like I saw nothing.
After 3 months, I lost the whole baby fat coming back to 60kg which was my initial weight. I didn't give up,I kept trying to look fit and everything.
One night, my hubby came to me saying we needed to talk, I was like hope there is no problem? He said there is! And I was like let me hear it. He then opened up to me about his affairs with that girl. He told me everything that happened, even went ahead to show me the whole chat and how he ended it with the girl and how she's still calling back and begging for more.
Of course she was going to beg for more, my hubby is well endowed and gifted (Lol). He was crying and apologising but I told him he shouldn't worry, that it was all my fault, I forgot about him and he saw attention some where else. We made up and after 2 days, he got me a car out of guilt but I told him to stop worrying but I still liked the fact that he got me the car, it was my dream car.
We started enjoying our lives the way it was before, going to the movies, club, hanging out, I gave him all my attention. Even after I gave birth to my baby girl 3 years later, he didn't cheat on me because I made sure I didn't stop been a mother, a wife, lover and friend. As usual, I started exercising again and went back to my body 4months after my baby was born. We were so blessed, work was going fine, home was fine.
Now when I say "Home was fine" it didn't mean we were not quarreling, we were but I just made sure if I was going to quarrel about anything, it was going to be something worth it and I tried as much as possible not to be harsh or rude.
There was a time we quarreled and couldn't reconcile immediately like usual and I went out to tell a male friend of mine not knowing that was the last thing I should be doing. The guy was advising me and I felt he was nice. One day, the same talk came up between me and my hubby, when we couldn't reconcile, I drove of to that guy's house.
He consoled me and started kissing me. I was kissing him back and it suddenly dawned on me, he's not my husband, I couldn't do that to my hubby, I pushed him off and drove back home. Told my hubby he won and told him how I kissed someone else and he told me he understands, so we'd drop the case even if I was right, deleted the guy as a friend and worked on my marriage.
Since then, we don't stay mad at each other more than 10mins. My friends come to the house and they are like, I envy your marriage, that we still act as newlyweds and all, but what they don't know is it not easy getting your family together. Its' so hard to be a friend, lover, best friend, mistress, mother, wife, sister all in one. I'm from a broken home so I know what I and my sister went through and I didn't want that for my kids.
So I had to fight to make my home work. I got married when I was 18 and right now 27, but when you see me, I look 24, people never believe I'm 27 or a mother because I made sure I kept my self-looking good. My hubby doesn't like the whole idea of wrapper or anything so I don't have one except for meetings. I dress in my bum shorts, miniskirts, short dresses, anything to keep me looking good.
So at this point I'm going to say, ladies:
1. Marriage is not easy
2. Don't go into marriage expecting so much.
3. Don't think your marriage would not have problems, they will always have, what makes you a woman is the ability to handle it
4. Make your partner your friend, best friend, lover, wife, mistress, mother, sister, with that, he can open up to you all the time.
5. Never lose yourself because you are married, he loved what he saw that's why he married you, try not to go away from that.
6. Never share your problems with anyone, you would get the wrong advice from people, handle your problems within.
7. Do not argue with your hubby, let him win if you see it's gonna pose as a problem.
8. For those with sharp mouth, trim it, that's the one thing men hate. It took me time to learn, so please and please, never challenge your hubby, because it would make him feel he's not in control and men like feeling they are in control even when actually, its the women who are in control.
9. Talk to him all the time, appreciate anything he does and encourage him.
10. Don't forget to make God your number one. Don't joke with prayer, it never fails.