It’s a tale as old as time – you’re great pals with this girl, but you can’t help wishing you were more than friends. It’s one of the most common questions asked of relationship experts: how do I go from friend to boyfriend?
Perhaps you have asked this question yourself, wondering how on earth you make the transition.
Going from friend to boyfriend is not an easy task, especially if you’ve known the girl a long time. Trying to start a relationship from scratch is difficult enough, but when you have the added pressure of being friends first, it can be downright terrifying. You want to be her boyfriend, but you don’t want to scare her off and lose her. So what’s a guy to do?
Think It Through
Your first step should be to make completely certain it’s what you want. Ask yourself if your friend is really someone you want to date, someone you have strong feelings for. If you’re just going through a dry spell and feel lonely, maybe you just want a girlfriend – not necessarily her. You run the risk of losing her friendship by trying to be more than friends, especially if it’s not meant to be, so be sure it’s want you really want.
If you’ve always hung out with this girl in baggy jeans and lame T-shirts, it’s time to improve your image. You want your friend to see you in a different light, so some changes may be in order. Is your haircut current and in style? Does she hate facial hair and you have a goatee? Have you replaced your sneakers in the past five years? Stuff like this may not seem important, but when you’re trying to impress a girl, it’s crucial. Start lifting weights, wear sexy cologne, whiten your teeth – anything to make yourself more appealing.
Mix it Up
You need to change your routines and habits when it comes to the friend you like. Start incorporating more romantic activities into your time together. Instead of going to the theater with a group, invite her to your place to watch a movie - preferably a chick flick. If you’ve always gone to a crowded joint, take her to a fancy restaurant. Get tickets to a play or concert she really wants to see and surprise her at dinner. Keeping her a bit off guard while you expand your relationship might get her to evaluate how she really feels, and realize there’s more to you than she thought.
Bite the Bullet
Once you’ve taken some time to broaden your relationship, it’s time to tell her how you feel. If you don’t feel the time is right quite yet, start with subtle flirtations. See how she responds to an out-of-the-blue compliment, or mildly sexual innuendo. Does she seem uncomfortable or act awkward? Take some more time to work on the steps mentioned above before trying again. Then just be honest and tell her you’ve developed feelings and would love the chance to make her feel the same. If you’re brave and the moment feels right, try for a kiss. Maybe start with one on her cheek, look her in the eyes, and slowly move in. She may be surprised at first, but if there’s a spark, it will now ignite.
Don’t make it seem like you’re giving her an ultimatum – lovers or nothing. Assure her that no matter what she says, you’ll always be friends. Lay your feelings on the table and give her time to absorb everything and think it through. If there is a romantic connection, she’ll soon feel it just like you do. It may take a while, but it will be well worth it.