I’m in my early 40s and have a great wife and two great young kids, all of whom I love dearly.
I’ve been with my wife for over 20 years. Everyone tells me how lucky I am to have the perfect marriage. But, of course, I don’t feel so lucky. Instead I feel burdened, trapped by the overwhelming obligations of family and of keeping up appearances. The way I’ve tried to deal with these feelings is by seeing prostitutes.
About eight months ago, I met and paid for the woman of my dreams. She’s beautiful, a sexual dynamo, smart, funny and sweet. She’s not a typical prostitute; she’s more like the girl next door who wants to get paid for her great looks and abundant sexual talents.
I soon went from being her client to being her friend and confidant. Her presence in my life does two things for me. First I get to feel those incredibly strong emotions that I haven’t felt in years about my wife (lust and longing), and more important, I feel so free during the few hours a month I get to see her. Not only do we explore sexual fantasies that would be completely out of bounds with my wife, but more important, I can completely relax around her and joke around and talk frankly, and not have to worry about things like who’s picking up whom from school.
Of course, I know that this whole thing is incredibly stupid and immature, but I can’t figure out how to unring the bell and go back to a life without this woman. Do you think it will be possible to not see her and forget about the pleasure, love and passion that we had? I’ve tried for a few weeks at a time, but I’ve always felt the need to see her again — the urge for release, both literally and metaphorically, was too strong. I have a hard time imagining life without her, but at the same time, she could never be a part of my “real” life — I have too much invested in my marriage and family to break it up.
So the question boils down to this: How do I give up sexual (and emotional) nirvana for the sake of my family?