Ask Naij: How Do I Remain a Mystery For My Man?

Ask Naij: How Do I Remain a Mystery For My Man?

By Eric Charles

Ask Naij: How Do I Remain a Mystery For My Man?

A lot of women I know ask me these kinds of questions:

"I know that guys view life like a game. Their mind is very stimulated, and if they beat the game at the first level and discover all the hidden gems then they won't be interested in the game anymore, they'll move on to the next.

So how do you keep mystery when you are dating someone? When he asks questions about your life, do you tell him everything? And when he asks about your plans are you descriptive? How can you balance between being mysterious yet captivating?"

Guys look at the world through the eyes of victory and defeat, this is true.

But all that junk about beating the game at level one and needing to maintain mystery is garbage. I don't know where you heard it, but that kind of mindset will make you paranoid and make you do weird things.

Focus on the quality of time you guys spend together: Do you like yourself when your with him? Does he like himself when he's with you? Do you guys have a great time together? Those are the questions you want to be asking yourself.

Honestly, women get swept up in this idea that she needs to create a voodoo spell to entrance a man just to get/keep a guy interested.

Meanwhile, the actual problem is that she and the guy don't actually enjoy each other's company at all, to begin with. Not because either of them are bad people or inherently unattractive… but because they simply aren't a match for one another.

If everyone were a match for one another, then there wouldn't be cliques in high school and everyone would be friends with everyone, all the time. This isn't the case.

Find someone who's a good match for you. Someone who you love spending time with and loves spending time with you. No voodoo necessary.

Now, at the same time, there is something to be said for being "on target" with the part of the man that you're speaking to.

I’ve seen women obsess over trivial things like when they should sleep with a guy and that sort of thing. The real issue is whether or not you can reach a guy on a deep psychological level.

Everyone has walls up and a social "mask" that they wear to get by in the world. It's a necessity in today's civilized world.

And everyone wants to talk about being 'real' and not putting up a front, but the fact of the matter is that in today's world EVERYONE (even the most obnoxious, honest or blunt people you know) has to have some filters and restraint in place to be a functional member of society.

Beyond that, men and women also have drives, urges and impulses within themselves that they have to suppress just to be able to carry on from day to day.

For men, their deepest fear is that they are powerless and insignificant in the world. They fear that even their best would never be enough to "matter" in the world.

And even though a man's greatest fulfillment comes from him pursuing his deepest goals, aspirations and "mission" in life, most men don't actually pursue their goals in life because they get comfortable and don't have the inspiration to.

When a woman is able to grow and mature to a point where she is no longer a slave to her own worries, insecurities and fears, then she can finally look past her own wants/desires/fears and see the man's.

And this goes back to the question on maintaining mystery: It's not about maintaining mystery – it's about maintaining a connection to what inspires and motivates HIM and then feeding that part of your man.

So how do you do that? Well, you need to first become really curious about him. Here's a quick to-do list to get you started:

See, you are asking about how to maintain mystery because you want the guy to be fascinated with you. But nothing is more fascinating to a man than when you recognize his deepest psychological drives and then inspire him to live the life he's always dreamt of. Since the beginning of time, man has needed women to fill that inspiration for him to fulfill his potential.

Here are some examples on HOW you can do that:

Men want to be victorious in the world. There is no greater joy to a man than feeling that his power has grown and that he's "won" in the world. When you believe in him and inspire him, you fill him with energy to perform. When he follows-through on that energy and gets moving, he'll feel on top of the world and more alive than ever.

And finally, when he finally does win, he'll attribute the credit to you for being the amazing woman that inspired him.

The entire time, when you speak to THIS PART of the man, he will be fascinated the entire time. No voodoo necessary – no smoky make-up, no vague hints -- just be on target with HOW you speak to the man and he will be deeply fascinated by you.

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