We've got this letter from one of our readers: "Can you help me decode signs a guy doesn't like me? There's this guy I really like from work. We've talked a few times – he's really cute, nice and smart. To be honest, I have a total crush on him! Problem is, he's been more stand-offish lately, and I'm afraid I blew it, but maybe I'm just being paranoid. Can you let me know common ways to tell if a guy isn't interested?"
Yes, we can! Stand-offish isn't exactly a promising sign, but who knows. Let's go through the checklist of 10 ways to tell a guy is not into you:
1. He's not around you. This is the biggest sign of whether or not a guy is into you. If he's not into you, he won't be "around".
It's funny – guys will act a hundred different ways around the girl they like, they'll even completely ignore her! Or tease her. Or be annoying. But if they're into her, it's not a matter of how they're acting. It's the fact that one way or another, they always just seem to be acting that way around her.
He'll find reasons to be close to you. He'll always just seem to end up in the same parts of the room as you.
You may not have noticed it before, but once you start paying attention to it, you'll completely notice it. And if you don't see that tending to happen with this guy, it's a sign he does not like you.
2. He talks to you about being interested in other girls and feels comfortable about it. So maybe you and him talk on a regular basis. If he talks to you about other girls or a relationship with a girl casually and comfortably, that's a likely sign he's not into you (in a romantic sense, at least).
Now, a guy might talk about how another girl is hot randomly and sometimes that can be innocent. However, if you notice that he not only talks about other girls, but talks about how he likes her on more than just a physical level or that he wants to date her, then that's very clear sign he's not interested in you.
3. He has no interest in talking to you. This is plain enough. If he doesn't have interest in talking to you, it's pretty much a given he's not interested.
You need to be careful, though, to not assume he's not interested just because he doesn't text you back immediately. Guys and their texting habits can be tricky.
However, if he has ample opportunities to talk to you and never takes them, that's a sign he's not interested. On that same note, if you talk to him and he always finds a way to stop talking to you or always lets the conversation fizzle out and die, then it’s very likely a sign he doesn’t like you in a romantic sense.
4. Body language/ general behaviour: Avoids eye contact, positions body away, doesn't encourage conversation or volunteer anything about himself. Maintains distance from you.
If he does any of the things listed in number 4, those are pretty sure signs he's not into you.
5. Always busy. No rain check. So you set up a date, and he doesn't show up. He flakes constantly on you. Missing a date or two is one thing, but a guy will make the time for a girl he's interested in. Period.
6. No difference between how he talks to you vs. other friends. Casual tone of voice. When a guy is interested in a girl, there's always a slight difference in how he interacts with her. It may be subtle, but you'll notice it. He'll have some special way of talking to her or extend some special kind of attention to her that he doesn't generally extend.
The best thing you can do to tell if a guy likes you is to pay close attention to how he interacts with others in general.
7. He flirts with you… but he flirts with everyone else, too. This is where a lot of girls get confused. They get all wound up because some guy totally swept them off their feet. He got their number, they had a charming conversation, she texts him and… Nothing! Where did he go?
The problem is – that particular guy flirts with every girl. That's just his way of being.
8. He's a friendly, outgoing guy in general. Similar to above. Pay attention to how he interacts with others.
9. Doesn't talk about feelings, doesn't say 'I love you', says he's 'not sure what he feels'... If you're dating or 'seeing' a guy, and it's been going on for several months, the common warning sign that he's not that interested is that he doesn't talk much about his feelings.
Guys go about expressing their feelings in all different ways, so it's important that you set your antenna to their frequency and let them unfold over time. In general, giving a guy space and time to show his feelings is the best policy.
10. Ignores you, shows you disrespect (putting down your values, thoughts, ideas). Some guys have their own issues to work out… and unfortunately, some girls get caught up in being the medium through which the guy works them out.
Basically, it usually is a matter of them working out my own issues and taking it out on the girl instead of addressing the person who really had the problem: themselves.
Still, if a guy regularly ignores you, disrespects you or puts you down, you need to seriously consider moving on.
This is tricky -- usually because when you're on the receiving end, the painful parts feel bad… but the good times, by contrast, feel amazing. It feels like progress, like you made a difference. It feels like an emotional roller-coaster. And it can be addicting.
Problem is, it usually ends up in emotional wreckage. So if you notice a pattern like this, get out of it!
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