In the wake of the discovery of North Korea’s human rights-violating labor camps via Google Earth, Kim Jong-un’s defense ministry has undertaken a massive security overhaul of the dreaded facilities by shielding them from satellite surveillance with thousands of reflective compact discs.
“This represents a crushing blow for our Western nemeses,” said North Korean defense minister Gen. Kim Kyok-sik. “Their prying eyes are useless against our glorious array of shiny, obsolescent music albums and computer programs.” Within days of last month’s revelation of new North Korean gulags via freely available, consumer grade Google services, the Korean People’s Army hatched a plan to repurpose entire warehouse-fuls of music albums forbidden during the regimes of previous leaders Kim Jong-il and Kim Il-sung.
“This is a prime opportunity to make use of the countless examples of disgusting, western filth polluting North Korea’s proud culture,” remarked Gen. Kim. “And naturally it is a perfect avenue for removing the atrocious K-pop produced by our misinformed brothers to the south.” A North Korean technician close to the project confirmed that an inordinate amount of South Korean pop music was indeed being used in the arrays, with one entire camp protected by a sheet of discarded “Gangnam Style” singles suspended 20 feet above the ground. “Classic rock, movie scores, audiobooks. It’s all there,” said the technician, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid being sent to a work camp himself.
“But there have been complications we did not foresee in the execution of the CD deployment initiative.” Among the problems encountered by those involved in the project were outdated records that failed to take into account the musical tastes of the newly-empowered Kim Jong-un. Some albums expressly forbidden by his predecessors, while still off-limits to everyday citizens, were enjoyed by the dictator in private. The punishment for accidental deployment of such albums was often harsh. “One of our comrades accidentally used a crate of late-period Fleetwood Mac albums to disguise a government-run factory where rivets are forged by political prisoners,” noted the anonymous technician, “Some of us have taken to furtively utilizing Pandora to stay one step ahead of his mysterious playlists.”