The Pygmies of Bwiza village, one of the poorest tribes in Rwanda and indeed the entire African continent, expressed their shame before representatives of international media today after being saved from hunger “by Bono of all people,” African media reports.
“This is so demeaning. My people’s shame is unbearable, but we had to accept this generosity, our children’s lives depend on it,” said the village leader. The head of the village of Bwiza, a small cluster of huts located just outside of the capital city of Kigali, explained that his people had tried everything to avoid the involvement of the singer of U2 in their affairs because they didn’t want to be made into a spectacle in the eyes of the entire world, but in the end were left without any other option.
“We tried writing to all the humanitarian aid organizations, hosted multiple documentary film crews, we even invited the Red Cross and UN troops here, but none of them did anything to help us solve our water problem. Instead, they just wasted our time,” said the leader of the community, which is mostly comprised of potters.
“In the end, all that we were left with was Bono. So we had to ask for help from a self-righteous celebrity, an aging rocker in leather pants, who by helping us will also improve his tax situation and public image,” the elder tribesman added. People of Bwiza village sighed with disappointment upon realizing that from now own they will have to be Bono’s “media and poster bitches”, and were not very subtle in expressing their embarrassment.
“God, I hope he doesn’t make me go on tour with U2 and force me to do that clap thing on stage in front of thousands of people. I would rather starve to death than do that,” said one 5-year-old Pygmy boy from Bwiza village.