You know that guy who always gets the girl? The one who, despite a too-trendy haircut and serious personality deficit, never fails to boast a lady on his arm? Ever wonder what he’s got that you haven’t? Well, it’s simple: knowledge. By deploying the right strategy, guided by psychology and circumstance rather than emotional impulse, you can bag the woman you want every time.
Seduce... the best friend
You’ve been close for ages and, although it’s certainly crossed your mind a few times, you’ve never felt the urge to break free from the friend zone. Until now...
Lay the groundwork. First off, no fawning. Treat her like your other mates: don’t text back straight away, don’t always be available, cut out the lingering hugs and don’t compliment her all the time. She wants a man, not a lapdog. Next, make a point of talking about and checking out other women while she’s around. This shows you are a sexual being and encourages her to ask herself, ‘Why not me?’. The perfect state of mind for that surprise date request.
Take her… Somewhere explicitly romantic. Making the transition from friend to girlfriend is very hard, so you need something that’s game-changing. Think flowers. Think candlelit dinner. Think the most intimate table at the most prestigious local restaurant. You need to hammer home the fact that this is anything but two friends hanging out.
Seal the deal for a second date, go for the classic scary film – or even a theme park. Adrenaline-packed dates can produce the same chemical reactions in the body as falling in love. Flirt heavily and don’t be afraid to go in for the kiss. If you don’t take the risk you’ll only ever be friends anyway..
Seduce... the wallflower
You’ve noticed her around. You find her very attractive. If only she’d drag her eyes from the floor when speaking she’d be even more of a catch…
Lay the groundwork. Slowly slowly getty girly. The secret here is patience and time. Make a real effort to have long conversations in which you attempt to get to know and connect with her. Then, once you’ve built up a bond, give her a peck on the cheek in greeting, or put your arm around her when you cross the road. She might not jump on you, but the fact that she is comfortable with you doing these things should be enough of a green light.
Take her… Somewhere the spotlight won’t be on her. “You want a place where you can stroll with lots of eye contact and talk about something other than yourselves,” says Kerner. A museum, art gallery, or even the zoo are all good bets, as there’s little chance of the conversation running dry.
Seal the deal. She might take a few dates to open up, so be patient. Don’t stop smiling, since she’ll likely be nervous, and continue your assault of enquiry about every aspect of her life. Take charge of the date and let her know you are genuinely interested in everything she has to say. Things proceeding nicely? “Can I kiss you?” is a clichéd but near unbeatable line – and never better deployed than with a lady who needs bringing out of her shell.
Seduce... the stone-cold stunner
You want her. Your mates want her. Everybody wants her. If only you could stand out from the crowd…
Lay the groundwork. This requires a three stage process. First, infiltrate her group and start going to bars and clubs with them. Take care to be conspicuously cool when introduced to her and when she is talking. Don’t give her much time or attention or smile too much at first. She’s used to that. Instead, make a big fuss of one of her friends – praising, hugging, laughing. After a little bit of this, you need to get into conversation with her and gradually warm up to her as she reveals things about herself. The message? You’re not just after that perfect figure. You’re the real deal. And now you can ask her on a date.
Take her… Somewhere simple yet sophisticated. Cocktails – or a restaurant she’s been dying to try. The most important thing is not to try too hard to impress her, but you still need to make an effort as you want it to be memorable and exciting.
Seal the deal. By all means lay the compliments on thick – but don’t mention her looks. You love her personality/sense of humour/intelligence (delete as appropriate, according to which she possesses). Those movie star cheekbones? You haven’t even noticed them. Finally, don’t be tentative. Nothing is sexier than confidence, so show her you aren’t intimidated and make sure she has to work hard if she wants to see you again.