Ask Naij:

Ask Naij: "Help! Facebook Is Ruining My Relationship"

I have been seeing a guy since February of last year and in October we finally decided to make it exclusive.

It has been a relationship full with lots of ups and downs because we are polar opposites. Everything from how and where we were raised, to education, and et cetera. To put it in simple terms, he’s more of the street savvy guy while I am more of the spoiled girl who had an easy life. His different perspective and outlook is what made me interested in him. However, I realized that his outlook on relationships differ from mine as well.

I feel so dumb in writing about this, but social media has become a venom in our relationship. When we first started dating, I did not have a Facebook account, I was going through one of those temporary phases of privacy I would like to say. Probably weeks later, I opened a Facebook account, and we joked around about not adding each other as a friend. At that time our relationship was still so fresh, I didn’t mind.

One time, I posted pictures of us together, and let’s just say some people were slightly shocked that me and him were seeing each other. Like I said he is very different from what I dated. After seeing the photos, some people took it amongst themselves to reach out to me, and disclose his colorful history in regards to women. I told him about it, and we had a discussion of what I was told. I am not really into the he said/she said gossip, and I also believe that everyone does have a past, as long as it stays there. But I will admit that I felt a certain way about it.

As we became more serious with one another, I suggested for us to become friends, and he was adamant in saying no. He used the excuse that Facebook brought a lot of friction between his last relationship so he vowed that the next relationship he will delete his Facebook. Mind you, I know a couple of the girls he messed around with in his past, and they were all his Facebook friends. Fast forward, he deleted his Facebook, however, I still had mine. He would casually mention I should delete my Facebook, but I was insistent in saying no.

Now moving to the main issue, and unfortunately Facebook wasn’t the only social media site we argued about. Here comes along Instagram, same thing, but this time I never asked him about being a follower. I just requested to be one, and he threw a huge fit, and ended up deleting his IG. This behavior was beyond suspicious to me. But I eventually got over it.

So, he did not have IG for a while, until he reopened his account in December. Mind you, he never told me he opened his IG again. I found out because a mutual friend followed him, and it popped up on my timeline. I was beyond livid. I brought it up to him and we just got into another argument.

The whole point is according to him, I can follow him, however, he will not follow me because he does not want to see guys liking my pictures and etc. And, on top of that he will not put any pictures of us on IG because he likes his relationships to be private…but then again he has pictures of his son.

Am I getting played here for a sucker? We are about to move in together, and we just started shopping for engagement rings (because I do not play roommates) but I cannot stop letting his rules of social media bother me. I feel beyond insecure when it comes to it and I always bring it up in arguments. I feel like why is he hiding me? I mean I know all his friends, all his family is following me and etc, but I can’t help but feel insecure.

Should I believe his rules or do you think he is using IG for other purposes, like to be unfaithful?

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