I have been married for 11 years.
My husband loves me more than anyone else in this world. I knew about his erectile dysfunction when I was dating him. But at that time, I was very ignorant and didn’t know the gravity of his problem. Even after marriage, I and my husband had a very loving and satisfying relationship but I miss some measure of romantic advances from him.
I thought being 12 years older than I am, his mindset and views on sex were different from mine. Now I am 35 years old. I have really matured as a woman in the last couple of years. Now, I feel terrible when I am sexually unsatisfied; and lately, I have had a sexual relation with one of my friends who was really sexually awesome. Unfortunately, he has a girl friend so he and I had to discontinue with our relationship.
My husband is in the know about this relationship; he is, as a matter of fact very opened about my having affairs with other men. But I am very sad. I feel like having a complete sexual and emotional relationship but I do not want to divide my emotions between two men. Besides, I don’t want to leave my husband because I love him; he is my best friend as well. But on the other hand, I am suffering from the pain of separating from my friend with whom I had such a satisfying sexual relationship.
I do not want to ruin his life by forcing him to leave his girlfriend. Now, I am unable to decide or take another emotional tie but my sexual desire remains so strong that almost every day, I cry for hours at my destiny. I love my husband but I am not sexually connected to him. I may find sexual pleasure with another man but that will cause me further pain as I do not want to abandon my husband and leave him alone at this age.
What do I do? How do I help myself? Please advice me.