There are numerous advices about how men should approach women in order not to be rejected right away (we wrote about it earlier HERE). However, ladies, let’s face it: sometimes men just can’t approach us, because they are too scared we might not like them!
I remember situation: while I was chatting with my friend, a boy approached her and said that his friend saw her and really likes her. She said that if it was true, that other guy would have approached her by himself.
The myth: If a guy likes you, he’ll come over… This myth stems partly from movies and books. Even if the guy is awkward and stumbling, he’ll usually approach the women he likes (otherwise there wouldn’t be much of a story).
The cause: Women grossly overestimate male confidence. They assume men find it easy to approach women. They find it hard to imagine why a man wouldn’t approach a woman he was interested in. This is largely cause by what we call 'The Player Paradox'. 'Players' represent about 5% of all men, but they represent well over half of the men that women and up talking to (by definition, players are the guys doing all the approaching).
The truth: Men find approaching much harder than women could ever realise. It’s one of the hardest things a man ever has to face. His whole identity, image and self-confidence is on the line. We have worked with all sorts of guys: doctors, bankers, diplomats, musicians… they have all found approaching women terrifying.
A counter-intuitive wrinkle: The more a guy likes you, the less likely he is to approach you. The hardest person to approach in a bar is the one you like the most. Women, admit it: it is also hard for you!
The consequence: Women assume guys like the look of the 'uninterested'. As a consequence, a woman won’t approach a guy she likes because she assumes he would’ve come over already if interested. She’ll think to herself: “What’s the point of going over to talk to him? He can’t be interested in me – otherwise he’d have done something about it…”
What to do about it: Don’t waste time giving him 'signals' which he isn’t even noticing. Most things that women are told to do (smile, make eye contact, flick your hair, take off your jacket…) are far too subtle. If there’s someone you like, approach him yourself. There’s a very good chance he was just struggling to pluck up the courage to approach you.