Ask Naij:

Ask Naij: "Should I Forget My Ex Or Get Back With Him?"

Here's a letter from our reader, she's asking for your piece of advice. Is it possible to find a balance in a very turbulent relationship?

Ask Naij: "Should I Forget My Ex Or Get Back With Him?"

"So, I was with my ex for 15 months. It was a whirlwind of passion, anger, but mostly, intense love... But we started to drive each other insane, so we broke up mutually. Then, through various actions, we ended up both really hurting each other.

"But somehow, 6 months later, we were back together again. We were ready to give it another try. Looking back on it, that was not a good idea as I still wasn't over something he did (sleeping with a specific girl he went to college with, numerous times), but I thought we could make it work.

"And we did. We went on an amazing holiday together, and had a gorgeous trip to Abuja for his birthday.

"And then I found a folder of pictures of a girl who he said was just a friend on his computer, and I flipped. Two weeks later, I broke up with him. I couldn't believe he could have those pictures, and I no longer had a desire to give anything to him; verbally, physically and emotionally.

"But still, for about 5 months we played the 'not together but together' game, then circumstances led me to deciding that it had to stop. Or else, how could we ever move on?

"I'd been doing a "100 day detox" of no contact with him whatsoever, and I'd been ignoring his calls, but then he texts me saying 'I want it all, I want US, and I'm sure about it', so I broke my detox at day 49 (which I personally feel is still a great achievement).

"Six months later (last Saturday) we met... One bottle of wine later -- all the reasons we broke up are still there, but my thoughts on him are stronger. We kissed, and we slept together.

"And you can't tell me I didn't try. I think I've been on every "How to forget your ex" article posted this millennium. I've gone out with friends. But that little part of my brain with him in it is consistently buzzing, pulsing in my head.

"I had a choice, I could've had coke, not wine, I could've said I had to go home. But the touch of him sent shivers through me that I knew I had no control over, even after months of not officially being together, and no contact whatsoever for 2 months.

"But we agreed we wouldn't be together due to distance (he's in uni in another state), and also if we get back together, that's it, no more breaking up.

"And now last night, he suggested I come to visit him at uni, after agreeing we'd take it slow. In fact, it's my birthday today and that was the first thing he said on it.

"I don't know what to do, am I destined for this rollercoaster where the ups are the most incredible highs I've ever felt, but the lows make me want to rip his head off?

"I believe that if you're meant to be with someone, then you will be with them...

"Is there a way I can forget him? I'm 27, and it's high time I started seeing the true nature of people.

"The spark I have with him is incomparable -- but so much makes us incompatible.

"Help me, please..."

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