For some people, it happens in a week; for others, a year. But no matter the speed, everyone goes through the same stages when falling in love. And it can be a very exciting experience. Heart breaks also pass through the process. So, don’t worry if you’re feeling scared or weak, this map of falling in love will make it very apparent that it is a normal process.
There is the rare case of two people that meet and see each other regularly for years before seeing one another as a sexual or romantic being. And then, one day, “BAM!” they realise they’re madly in love. But, as I said, that is rare. Most great loves begin with a spark the moment you first meet. That’s chemistry you’re feeling—it’s what happens when your body comes in contact with another body that’s right for you. And once you feel it, it’s addicting.
The desire to see him everyday
Since that chemistry is addictive, you start having the desire to see that person everyday. Any time you are not with the person, you are counting down until the time you get to see them next, and you feel that something is missing. You struggle to enjoy your other activities, because you’re just thinking of that person, or checking your phone for messages from them. You need to have them involved in your every moment.
The feeling of being connected
Everytime you grab your phone to call him, he has already called you. You can get into novel-length text conversations in which you whine about the boring holiday party you’re at, and he somehow knows everything you’re feeling. And he has the perfect, witty remarks that make you feel understood, empathized with, and happier. You feel that you’re always on the same page.
The compulsion to tell him everything
That feeling of being in-sync is so good that you want to test it to make sure it’s there all the time. You want to tell him everything that happens to you. You need to hear how he responds to them. You know it will be the response you want to hear. And that reinforces your decision to keep seeing this person.
The urge to introduce him to everyone
You want to show him off! Introducing him to the people who are already staples in your life makes it feel like he is becoming a staple in your life, too. You like that. And you want to make the people you love happy, by showing them you’ve found someone great.
Imagining the future
You start daydreaming about the two of you traveling together, meeting one another’s families, moving in together, adopting a dog together. It feels good to think about making plans with this person. The idea of that sort of commitment sounds right.
Okay, you know you like each other now. You’ve spent enough time together to know you don’t drive each other (too) nuts and that there aren’t any deal-breakers. Now, you just spend time together. Things slow down. That feeling that your life isn’t complete without them has subsided. You can get back to normal now, but you’re still excited every time you see them. Now, you’re just seeing how you get along with time, euphoria aside. You’re seeing how you two do in regular, boring old life.
Having sex for the first time, traveling together, meeting the parents, saying “I love you” after you’ve spent enough time together and realising you still feel strongly about each other, even without all the excitement of things being “new”, you make larger commitments – like having sex (if you haven’t already), going on trips together, meeting the parents and saying those big three words.
The appreciation of the comfort
But the transition can only be awkward for a second. Then, one morning, you roll over and look at that person, and you are grateful that you can wear your zit cream around him. It feels good to know you don’t have to put up anymore fronts. This has become a complete safe zone. And it makes you love the person even more.
The joy of being in love
So, you have your little freak out! You take a little time away from your beloved (whether you tell them you’re doing it on purpose or are just “busy” for a while). You want to see if you’ll actually miss them…and you do. And nobody else you meet even comes close. And you realise that getting comfortable wasn’t a bad thing! It was a great thing. It meant you are close.