Marriage is often seen as fix-all – dreamy singles think it will make them happy, restless men and women think it will make them feel complete. We take apart the five most popular cons that mar marriage.
Being lonely or having company has nothing to do with getting married. Many loners remain so even after marriage. A long-suffering woman shared her woes, she said that though she was married, she was always lonely. “I never felt that we shared anything. When I spoke, he heard but never listened. On holidays, I never felt that we were together.” Those who are lonely and feel that marriage will be a solution, need to analyse and identify what they are feeling.
Sexual desire and frequency is dependent on libido, compatibility and the acceptance of the word ‘sex’ among both partners. Many partners, who have a deep-seated resentment for each other and are constantly bickering, are not having enough sex. Maybe one of them thought that marriage would satisfy their sexual desires, but that didn’t happen, and so, the blame-game continues in other spheres of life.
I won’t work
This is quite an unrealistic thought, as increasingly, more couples realise that marriage does not mean financial security. Especially women realise that the lifestyle and aspirations one has calls for both spouses to generate income. Financial security is rare if you are not taking care of it yourself; there is no escape route. And if you have not discussed this with your partner, he or she may feel resentful of being considered a meal ticket.
Big happy family
Most of us are conditioned to win over the love and affection of the in-laws. We bend over backwards, expect to be loved immediately and are baffled when the feeling is not reciprocated. The biological imperative of birthing gives rise to a lot of unconditional love and acceptance which is hormonally absent in in-laws. So it is advised to give respect, love and attention, but don’t expect much.
Kids can fix it all
Couples feel that unhappiness in a marriage will be sorted by parenthood. This is another misconception because if there is incompatibility, a child would actually come into an unwelcoming environment and may even be resented. Parenthood should be a well-thought out decision considering aspects such as – Are we ready? Do both of us want children? Do we have all the help we need? Do we agree on core values?