It's normal for women to feel jealous every now and then, but when it gets out of control, and you turn into a hideous green-eyed monster, that's when it becomes frightening.
Jealousy is a sign that you don't trust your partner as much as you should. It doesn't just wreck your self-confidence, but it can also destroy your perfect relationship. Even the sweetest and most loyal partner can be driven away by constant jealousy attacks.
You don't have to become a jealous, overbearing monster all the time. There are ways to get rid of this nasty emotion. You just need to remember several important tips to banish that green monster forever.
Here are some tips to help you overcome jealousy.
There are two kinds of jealousy: the normal type, the one that you think might be real, and the paranoid kind which exists only in your mind. Determine which one of these two are you feeling. Normal jealousy really serves a purpose. It's the one you get from things you see or hear, like when your partner kisses another girl on the cheek or walks her to the bus station. It alerts you, and gives you a sign that your partner might cheat on you in the future, letting you stand your guard.
On the other hand, paranoid jealousy is just in your head. Even if your partner hasn't shown any signs of infidelity or flirting, you still think he's going to cheat on you someday. That's why you become so jealous. Paranoid jealousy is more complicated and threatening than normal jealousy, because even if your boyfriend is being sweet and loyal to you, you still think negative thoughts about him.
Ask yourself whether your jealousy is real or just a paranoid feeling. One way to figure this is by reflecting on your past relationships. Did you have trust issues with your ex-boyfriends or have you always been jealous, even if you don't have any reason to be? If your answer is yes, then you're just the only one bringing up the negative issue. Get rid of your paranoia. Only then will you learn to let go of your doubts and jealousy.
It's common for people to compare themselves to others, and that includes you. You always manage to see what others have that you don't. She's got great legs, you don't. She's got blemish-free skin, you don't. She's intelligent, you're not. It's like you're always sizing yourself up against the other person.
The same often happens with exes. You keep thinking that he loved her more than he loves you, and you'll never be the kind of woman she is. Soon, a false sense of self-worth builds up, and you feel yourself becoming more and more insecure. Before you know it, you're throwing snide, jealous remarks at your partner.
Stop the comparisons. Remember, everyone is different and unique. Don't think about things you're missing, but what you do have. You've got your own good and bad qualities, accomplishments, charms and intelligence. You've got exemplary attributes no one (not even the other person you're jealous over) has. His ex is probably missing wonderful qualities that he saw in you, and that's the reason why they broke up, and why the two of you are together.
Know The Facts
Sometimes the first reason why women become jealous is they don't get all the information they need. What happens is they think of negative scenarios that turn into intolerable, dubious conclusions. As jealousy seeps in, the trust begins to crack and the bond soon dissolves.
It's very important to keep an open communication with your partner, to keep your relationship strong. When you start feeling doubt, don't be afraid to ask questions. It's your right to hear it straight from his mouth, so you'll feel better. Know the facts. Of course, it doesn't mean you have to grill your partner with questions or start spying or snooping around. Just ask questions in a calm manner, and let him ask his own questions too. You'll both realize that knowing everything about situations helps squash jealousy.
Draw The Line
Your boyfriend's phone book is filled with names and numbers of women friends you don't know. He's very friendly to other girls while you're out clubbing, even when you're with him. He also talks and goes to lunch with his female coworker. All of these are done with friendly intentions, but soon enough, they start to bug you, and you become suspicious. Eventually, the jealous feelings all burst out.
Most of the time, you get jealous because of what your partner does, and not what other people do to him. To solve this, talk about where to draw the line. Tell him it annoys you that he's got many female friends and it makes you uncomfortable when he goes out to lunch with them. Discuss about bachelor stuff you want him to let go of. Then, promise that if he does leave them, you'll never doubt him again.
At the same time, don't be so domineering, or your partner will feel all choked up. Learn to let loose. Say you don't want him to go on lunch dates with his female officemates, but don't stop him from going to company outings. You have to know where to draw the line to your control over him too.
Where's Your Self-Esteem?
According to studies, the worst cases of jealousy is incited by insecurities. People who have a low sense of self-esteem about their personalities or their lives are very likely to build up on this negative emotion. Eventually, they don't only feel jealous, they also start to feel as if they don't matter, that no one loves them, and that their existence is unimportant in this world. They fall into a pit of despair and self-pity.
Don't end up like this. Build your self-esteem, and take steps on appreciating yourself and your qualities. You can do this through different ways. Here are several examples.
Jealousy is annoying, but it might be able to have a positive effect on you. All you have to do is look at the negative emotions jealousy brings and look at it in a positive light. Let it motivate you. For example, your boyfriend drools over sexy magazine models in their skimpy swimsuit. Think about how you can obtain a sexy figure for your own. Exercise, practice good hygiene and go on a diet. Soon, you'll be too focused on your goal to obtain the same thing for yourself, that all your jealousy will fade, and when your boyfriend sees your gorgeous body, there's no more reason for you to feel that annoying emotion.
Strengthen Your Bond
Jealousy causes endless arguments, fights and doubt between you and your partner. If you're always jealous, then somehow, your relationship isn't as strong as you think it is. There's something missing or you've lost something amidst all the troubles you're going through.
Call a truce, then sit down and have a long talk. Evaluate and think about what's lacking. Do you two still spend quality time? Has the passion left you? Discuss each other's faults and say sorry for your own. Once you've addressed the problems, you can work with your partner to strengthen your relationship. It's better than wasting energy and time on empty jealous feelings.
It's The End
After some time, you realize that it's not just you being paranoid. Your boyfriend really is the flirt you feared he is, and he's provoking your jealousy. Don't make him think that he's the center of your universe. Maybe it's time you let him go and end your relationship. It'll hurt, but it'll save you from a worse dilemma in the future. You can do better than get involved with players and flirts like him. There's a million other guys who'll want to be with you, and none of them will make you feel insecure or jealous.
It's not bad to feel jealous once in a while, but when this annoying feeling often overtakes you, then it's time you do something about it, before you completely lose your spirit or drive your partner away. Try these tactics and suppress the green-eyed monster within you. Soon, you'll feel all the jealous emotions leaving, and you can have a happy and peaceful relationship with your sweetheart and yourself.