"Marriage Is A Joke" Says Woman Who Sleeps With Four Different Men

A saucy relationship therapist who encourages her patients to take on lovers follows her own advice — as she juggles four men.

Widowed Relationship expert Louise Van der Velde is seeing a property tycoon, a Dubai businessman, a fitness instructor, and a “bit of rough” electrician.

The mum of two, who claims marriage is “a joke” - says her lovers allow her to live out her fantasies.

She thinks unhappy couples should look elsewhere for sex - and even wants marriage contracts changed so they include the right to infidelity.

Louise, 38, who calls herself the Pleasure Professor, had many normal relationships when she was younger.

"Marriage Is A Joke" Says Woman Who Sleeps With Four Different Men

But she says her sex life is far more colourful now. She adds: “My lovers are all very different and each helps me fulfil a certain fantasy.”

And Louise - who has written a book on multiple relationships - says she has four or five orgasms per sex session.

She says lover ONE - a multi-millionaire who runs a solar panel company in Dubai - is like Christian Grey, the macho hero of hit erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey.

Louise says: “We met six years ago. He is super-rich, powerful, dominant and so sexy. He is incredibly adventurous in bed. We enjoy tantric sex together, it lasts for hours.

“We see each other once or twice a month. He sees who he likes when he is not with me and I do the same. We talk openly about our other lovers — we have no secrets.”

Lover TWO is a personal fitness trainer she calls “Mr Body Beautiful”.

She says: “The fantasy he fulfils is just one of pure lust. He has the perfect body, with huge, well-honed muscles. We see each other two or three times a month and enjoy an intensely physical relationship.

“It’s electric. But as well as sex we share other interests and we go to the gym together a lot.”

Lover THREE, a property tycoon who was on Channel 4 show The Secret Millionaire, is “Mr Intense”.

Louise says: “He is very driven and passionate about what he does. He is highly intelligent and we talk a lot about his ideals and ambitions.

“My fantasy here is obvious — what woman isn’t turned on by a brooding intellectual?

“I saw him intensely for about a year until we cooled off over the past few weeks. He was getting jealous and over-involved.”

Lover FOUR is Louise’s Bit of Rough. She says: “He’s a 25-year-old sparky who certainly is full of sparks. The whole relationship is fast and furious. He is exciting because he is always open to learning new things.

“I met him on a train to London. He made me laugh and has been doing it ever since. I know he sees other women his own age but I’m confident they don’t compare to me. I guess I’m his Mrs Robinson.”

Louise has told all her lovers about each other. She says: “They are honest with me and I am honest with them. The property tycoon and the electrician are both monogamous with me.

“The other two sleep with other women. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. They can do whatever and whoever they want.”

Louise admits she has to be organised to have such a busy love life.

She says: “Obviously my Dubai lover lives hundreds of miles away so those visits take a bit of arranging. My fitness instructor lives quite near so we’ll just ring each other and arrange dates. I suppose I am most spontaneous with my bit of rough.

He lives round the corner from me and we communicate a lot by text. He’s the one who’ll get the booty call when I’m feeling passionate.”

Louise stresses she isn’t totally against marriage — and says the seven years she was married to late husband Stephen were among the best of her life.

But she says couples with serious problems should not stay together for appearances — or their children.

Louise has two children by Stephen, a GP who committed suicide eight years ago — a son aged 16 and a daughter, 11.

She says: “I had a happy marriage until my husband tragically died.

“Since then I have had countless people who walk into my practice seeking help because their marriages just aren’t working.

“I can see why couples want to protect their kids from a marriage breakdown.

“But I think it is good for children to see their parents standing up for happiness.”

Louise, from Camberley, Surrey, says her children know she has lovers but they play no part in their lives.

She says: “They are protected in that way. Like all other little girls I was told about the fairytale romance but the truth is marriage isn’t really working for most people.

“I think it is time we built a new relationship model, one that actually works. If it were down to me I would make sure there was a get-out clause in every set of marriage vows.

“If someone had told me at 28 that by the time I was 35 I wouldn’t be with my husband but would be with four men I would have said, ‘No way’.

For that simple fact alone you should be able to personalise a marriage contract. In my opinion, a promise of fidelity should not be included.”

Relationship expert Judi James said: “She’s wrong to dismiss long-term relationships and marriage as a joke. You don’t need a calculator to have a truly fulfilling love-life and when you start counting lovers and orgasms there’s probably something missing in your life.”

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