Our Reader: God And Loved Ones Abandon Me – I’m Thinking Of Suicide

Katherine Baffour 4 years ago 1

Here’s a letter we got from our reader, who prefers anonymity.


“I am shocked and devastated, I lost my trust in people, and I wonder why God has abandoned me.

I am a 40-year-old woman from Lafia, Nasarawa State. I was a medical worker, and I had a decent living. However, over the past decade, my life has been gradually falling apart.

It all began with my husband’s infidelity. As a nurse, I have a rather erratic working schedule, and night shifts are frequent. My husband had obviously taken the advantage of my absence and cheated on me numerous times with my daughter’s school teacher. It’s a long story of how I found out, but eventually, we parted ways, and he has moved to another state.

8 years ago, my only child, my 9-year-old daughter, had been diagnosed with leukaemia (blood cancer). Watching her die was the most unspeakable, terrible thing I have ever experienced. During those 1,5 years we both had passed through enormous emotional and physical pain… Doctors were unable to save her, although I know everything was done that was in their power.

For the following 5 years, I’ve been dead to society, dead to myself, feeling like a lifeless dummy. I know they say time heals wounds, life goes on… But I missed my baby so much!

Finally, about a year ago, through a friend who tried to bring my life back I met a man. He’s in his 50’s, rather handsome, educated and well-to-do.

What was strange, but didn’t ring a bell, though – he was not married, had no children, and, apparently, has moved to Nasarawa only recently. So, we started dating.

He was the first person, other than my family, I had opened up to after I lost my daughter when she was 10. He was so sympathetic and understanding.

Last month, he had asked me to wait for a delivery at his flat. While tidying, I came across a pile of papers, among which I discovered the photos of my 10-year-old daughter, which he had taken from my home. He stole pictures, taken quite innocently, of my girl partly unclothed.

I showed him the pictures simply to share my loss with someone, and he took them to indulge his own fantasies, as others pictures of her clothed he left behind…

Of course, I called the police and they found the pervert had thousands of indecent images of other young girls. Only then it was revealed to me that the man I’ve been dating had recently been released from jail in Katsina state where he was serving a sentence for numerous sexual assaults on children (he is a former schoolteacher). He was disqualified for life from working with children.

Now, I take a lot of tranquilizers just not to think about anything.  I took up a habit of daily drinking. I have lost my job, my sister looked after me for a while, but we had a quarrel, and she left. Our parents died 2 years ago.

I am thinking about suicide. I lost everybody I ever trusted and loved. Even our glorious Lord, it seems, is now deaf to my prayers…

What else is there for me?”

Please, this woman needs your support and advice! Home Page

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