How to deal with blackmail
Editor's note: Sarki Gadah, the Legit.ng partner blogger, gives three tips how to deal with blakmailers and attempts of the blackmailing.
Gadah is the founder of Psychologist Magazine, which exists to help improve the standard of human experience in areas of health, parenting and relationship.
More details in Legit.ng’s step-by-step guide for guest bloggers.
One of the factors that steal people’s peace and comfort is blackmail. It arouses the feeling of great fear and apprehension, which makes victims depressed or even commit suicide. This humiliating experience had cost a lot of people their fortune and dignity.
Like any form of extortion, blackmailers often threaten to harm their victims physically or emotionally if their demands are not met. Because of the sensitive nature of the information, the blackmailer seems to possess, victims often assume the position of a prey. Most times, blackmailers have more control over the situation but because of their ignorance, blackmailers continue to manipulate them and extort more money or other valuables from them.
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Blackmail is a crime punishable by law. The fact that you have a skeleton in your cupboard does not warrant a criminal to illegally extort money from you. Here are some tips that will help you.
1. Do not give in to the demand of the blackmailer
To protect yourself from future harassment and unnecessary worries, report the case to the police. Giving in to the blackmailer’s demands isn’t going to stop him. In most cases, the secret that victims worked so hard to protect is eventually exposed when they can no longer meet the demands of the blackmailer. Instead of co-operating by sending the money, co-operate with words to buy enough time to gather all evidence of blackmail. Keep records of all contacts between yourself and your blackmailer. Save voicemails and record phone conversations. The police will need these evidence to determine the case and how it can be prosecuted.
Keep the whole process a secret. Sometimes, these blackmailers are our acquaintance. By revealing your plans to people around you, you may be revealing it to the criminal.
2. Spill the beans yourself
Most of the time, people worry about the consequence if the secret is exposed. They are afraid of losing something or someone if the secret is exposed. That is not a fact, you can always win the trust of people back. It all depends on your honesty and commitment to the process. Even if It will play out that way, “we learn quicker by experience.”
How to go about it..
First, confess to the person or group involved before the blackmailer does. This sends a message of repentance, and be truly repentant. Keep in mind that your intention is to win the person’s trust back. Communicate in a manner that will restore good will. Be honest with your confession and give all required details (including why you are confessing). Pay attention to his reaction, affirm that he has the right to react that way and reassure him that such will not happen again.
Second, be patient and give him time to get over it. While you wait, take responsibility of your action and make things right. Even if you’ll have to suffer the consequences, I want you to know that you’ve done the right thing.
3. Focus on things you can control
It could be that it is your nude image or video that has leaked, and someone is threatening to make it public. In a situation like this, one may ask, what if the blackmailer expose the image in the process? It is likely to happen. But think about it this way: a gangster is a gangster; he is most likely going to make it public after collecting your money. Or you think he will understand and let you be when you no longer have anything to offer? Think about it.
Similar things had happened in the past. It is just so unfortunate that it is your turn. Having everyone talking and gossiping about you behind your back is truly a horrible thing. Instead of worrying about the situation, focus your energy on things you can control – like managing your self-esteem.
Stick with people who support and stand by you. There are people who will always care about you regardless of what people are saying about you. Get the pain off your chest by talking to them about your feelings and fears. If you feel you need someone else to talk to, contact a professional counsellor.
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Keep yourself busy. Focus on achieving your daily goals while maintaining your cool with everyone. When people see that you are not bothered about it, and you are still friendly, they will realise that you are strong and you truly do not deserve what they are doing to you. When you are confident in yourself and your actions, other people will start believing them. Do not be tempted to leave that community, the gossip will continue the moment you return.
PS: No one had ever been blackmailed for doing the right thing. If you wouldn’t want your light cut, pay your bills. “The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out” Proverbs 10:9.
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent the editorial policy of Legit.ng.
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