I have been raped at various times by my father, uncle and our driver. My primary six teacher also had his fill of me.
While in secondary school, two boys ganged raped me in the classroom. Although all of them including my father, always came back to plead for my forgiveness after raping me, but such pleas don’t erase what they did to me. They all did it once. Till date, I avoid my father like a plague. He too is always very uncomfortable around me just like my uncle who nobody has seen since he came to plead with me. He stays in Jos and has refused to come home.
Now I am in my 300 level and the only way I enjoy sex is for a man to be very rough with me. This worked for me until recently when I fell in love with my boyfriend.
Honestly, love is happening to me for the first time since I became an adult. All my life, it has been animalistic urge; have sex and walk away from it all before it becomes too complex.
I have never had any serious relationship in my entire life because I see men as wicked, opportunists and animals.
Given what I feel for my boyfriend, I know I am very much in love with him but at times when I remember all the abuses I went through I wonder if this relationship is worth it.
At times too, when I recount the many times I was raped by my father and all the other men, I wonder why me. Is there something about me that made all these men rape me? Once I went to a church where the pastor called me out of the congregation and told me to see him after service. When I saw him after service, as if looking into the mirror he told me everything about my life. since I haven’t told anybody the story of my life, I knew he was real. Continue reading